His Other Side
by Aku no Hanabi
Summary: Deidara is having emotional problems, and Sasori isnt helping. Rated T for blood, emoness, and Hidan. Warning: I've noticed a lot of people like this story so I think its only fair to warn you it does NOT end happy. Sorry.
1. Chapter 1

Deidara sat on his bed in his shared bedroom at the Akatsuki base. His long blonde hair obscured his face, and no one would have noticed that his deep blue eyes were filled with tears. He held a knife in his left hand, shining in the dim lighting. Sasori was not in the room, he was most likely out in the kitchen helping Konan cook dinner. Deidara snagged these few moments when he was alone, when Sasori was not around, to turn his emotional pain into physical pain. He could not understand what was going on in his head, so he transformed what he could not comprehend into something very simple; physical hurt.

Slowly, Deidara slid the smooth, sharpened blade across his arm, lengthwise between his wrist and elbow, tracing over past scars. More tears spilled from his eyes, closed tight in anguish. Thoughts flickered through his mind, each in quick succession. Why did his chest ache? What was this feeling?

He remembered the time when he was recruited for the Akatsuki. Kisame, Itachi, and Sasori had come to collect him from the place he had been abandoned, bloodied and dying, after the war between Iwa and Suna. Pein had seen his skill, and how many jonines it had taken to put even a scratch on him, and deemed him too valuable to waste. He had been glad that someone had appreciated him for anything, really. Everyone in his village was terrified of his power, and the village counsel had only ever utilized him for power.

Another slice, this one perpendicular to the first. Across and around, all the way around. He clenched his teeth to avoid making any noise and attracting attention to his room. Another cut, parallel to the first, one going across his upper arm now, each bleeding heavily.

Deidara remembered the time Sasori had first revealed himself; stepped out of his guardian shell only to reveal a puppet body. Deidara had only known him for a few days, the shortest time anyone had ever known him before he revealed his true body.

Sadness threatened to overwhelm him at he heard footsteps coming down the hall. He didn't care who it was, he just didn't want to be found in this state. Hurriedly stowing his knife under his pillow, he wrapped his whole arm in bandages then put a long sleeved shirt on. No one would question this; they lived in a dark, damp, cold cave after all. The blonde wiped his tears away with his uninjured arm, tied his hair back, and attempted to calm down. No one knew this other side of him, and he preferred to keep it that way.

Deidara heard the door opening and Konan poked her head into the room. Her hair was out of its usual bun and her paper flower was tucked behind her ear. "Deidara, dinner is ready if you're hungry," she said. Deidara simply nodded, still feeling depressed somewhat. The bluenette left, Deidara followed after making sure no blood was visible.

Despite his mood, Deidara managed to choke down Konans cooking, even though Sasoris help had made it drastically more edible. Everyone feared the night when Konan cooked. Sasori had taken action and offered to help her, needless to say, as soon as Konan and Pein had left the base on a mission, a party had been thrown in his honor.

The rice and chicken sat in his stomach like a rock, but he finished his bowl and washed, dried, and put it away before returning to his room. Sasori was already there, not needing to eat, and sitting at his desk perfecting some sort of poison. Deidara walked over to his bed and flopped down, his golden hair splayed across his pillow. He looked over at Sasori, eyeing his puppet body. He felt a familiar aching in his chest. To be this close to his partner was killing Deidara slowly and painfully. What was causing this feeling? He was sure it was not Konans cooking, because she had had help with that. So what was it that was troubling him?

"Deidara," Sasoris voice startled the blonde, who had been lost in his own thoughts.

"What, un?" he said.

"What has gotten into you? I know we are s-class criminals but we don't have to appear to be heartless and bored all of the time. Why are you moping about like you were just dumped?" that made Deidara feel worse.

"I don't know, un. I really don't," he said in defeat. He was done. Done trying to figure this out, and done trying to deal with it.

"Then why have you been cutting yourself?" Deidara gasped.

"How do you know about that?" he almost shouted. Sasori just shook his head.

"I didn't. I guessed. You haven't been using your right arm, there are blood soaked bandages in the trash, my puppet knife was found under your pillow all bloody just a few minutes ago and lately you've been sleeping with a shirt on." Deidara just gaped at him. "Deidara, my head isn't shoved so far up my ass that I don't pay attention to details anymore."

"But," the blonde countered weakly, but Sasori interrupted.

"And you're looking like you've just seen a ghost with reindeer antlers and bright orange hair. I'm not an idiot." The blonde just stared at him. "Now would you like to tell me why you've been mutilating yourself?" the puppet master inquired.

"No I wouldn't like to tell you." Deidara had put up his walls, closed himself from Sasori, from the rest of the Akatsuki, and from the rest of the world. He wasn't going to tell anyone anything. Especially one who could read him like a book.

"Well too bad, brat, spill it!" Sasori hissed, his concerned face hardened.

"I'm going to sleep." Deidara moved away from the redhead to climb into bed. He didn't want to talk about this. He lay on his left side, since laying on his right would reopen the fragile injuries on his arm. He heard Sasori sigh and felt a sinking in his heart. Listening to the scraping of wood as his partner continued his work, Deidara let sleep wash over him, bringing with it some much needed peace.

When Deidara woke, Sasori was not in the room. Deidara got up and headed into the bathroom for a shower, not only did his hair need to be washed, but he had to clean off the dried blood.

The Akatsuki base was actually a very comfortable place, contrary to popular belief. There were 5 bathrooms, a bedroom for every team to share, a kitchen, a rather roomy common room, and a gargantuan training quart yard, well equipped for any sparing or battle practice. There was also a library, a basement, and many closets along the hallways, of which there were several leading to various rooms.

Everyone while in the base were very relaxed, they joked around, got hammered, and basically acted like a bunch of friends would. Kisame and Itachi were dating, and Hidan had a girlfriend that lived here at the base. Zetzu had a garden in his room, well actually his room was the garden, and there was a large flat screen TV and several gaming consoles in the common room.

Deidara stepped out of the shower and wrapped a towel around his waist. Walking into his room he nearly dropped his towel. Rin, Hidans girlfriend, a 16 year old blonde hottie with deep brown eyes, was sitting on his bed. "Um…" she whipped around and blushed when she saw him.

"Holy shit! I'm sorry! I didn't know you were, I thought," Deidara cut her off.

"It's ok, un, just go outside in the hallway while I get dressed." The girl nodded and hurried out the door, closing it behind her. He sighed as he put on a pair of boxers, shorts, and a long sleeve shirt to cover the healing wounds on his arm. He was glad that Rin had not seen his self-mutilation. Maybe she wouldn't have cared; she was Hidans girlfriend after all…

He opened the door up to see her examining a picture on the opposite wall. He walked over and stood beside her, leaning in to get a better view of the picture. His stomach turned over, it was of himself and Sasori. For some reason it hurt to think about Sasori. "That was taken when I was initiated" Deidara said to the other blonde. She jumped; she hadn't known he was there.

"Oh, yea, there are similar pictures around the rest of the base of other members," she stated.

"I know, what did you want?"

"Huh?" she seemed confused.

"You were sitting on my bed, remember?"

"Oh yeah, that, I need some help with something," she said kind of shyly.

"Well what is it?" he asked, genuinely curious. Rin was a very capable girl, and almost never asked for help with anything.

"Um, can we go in your room? I don't want to be over heard." She was sounding really nervous now.

"Uh, sure, I guess." He said, and led the way, holding the door for her then closing it. They sat down on the bed and she looked at him awkwardly.

"Well, um, Hidan was getting… oh forget it!" she put her elbows on her knees and her face in her hands. "I can't do it! I feel like an idiot for not being able to tell you." Deidara was confused.

"If you have a problem, you can tell me, I promise I won't judge you." The blonde male put a hand on Rins back in a comforting way. Rin looked up.

"Well, Hidans been getting drunk a little too often, and you know I've been trying to fix his language." Deidara nodded for her to continue. "But now it just seems like a lost cause. I know he's immortal and that's part of what scares me. I won't be able to marry him or have a life with him and eventually will be thrown away like all the other girls he's loved." That was all it took, Rin broke down crying. Sobs racked her delicate yet powerful frame as Deidara drew her into a hug. It wasn't the kind of hug a boyfriend would give, but one a best friend would give. It was meant to console and comfort.

"I, I just d-don't know w-what t-to do anym-more," she cried into his shirt. This must have been seriously bad, Rin never cried, let alone stuttered.

A few hours had passed and Deidara had given all the advice he could and Rin had left his room with tear stains down her cheeks and a small sad smile. She paused in the doorway. Looking back, she whispered so it was barely audible, "I knew I'd never be able to change him." And like that she was gone.

Sasori walked in and saw his 'I really don't understand girls' expression. "Let me guess, whatever happened to Rin, you had something to do with it" the redhead rasped through his scorpion puppet.

"No, I helped the situation" he replied in a dead tone. Sasori stepped out of his puppet and stowed away in the closet. Deidara had that gut wrenching feeling again; he left the room.

Walking along the hall way, he started to toss and turn in the inside. The turmoile conflicting his mind was becoming to much, and he once again felt the need to understant something, anything. Quickly ducking into a closet, he oulled out his pocket knife. Rolling up his right shirt sleeve, he was about to dra the knife across the healing wound, when the closet door opened.

**Well I'll leave you with that. Should I continue? I actually have a good few ideas planned in everyone doesn't totally hate it yes, I made deidara a sadist. Hate me yet? I cant garuntee when I might update… if I continue. Rin is just a oc based on me, but I couldent think of anyone else who might be paired up with hidan and who has severe emotional problems.**

**Review? For a virtual cookie?**


	2. Chapter 2

Deidara froze. He'd been caught. Well damn, this was a pretty uncomfortable situation as Kisame stared at the blonde with surprise. "What are you doing here?" Deidara asked to try and draw attention away from his knife. Maybe if he distracted Kisame long enough he could hide it before awkward questions arose.

"I could ask you the same thing Blondie" he stared said blond down before grabbing his hat and cloak.

"My name is Deidara not Blondie" he said staring down Kisame in return. He slowly slipped the knife into his pocket. Kisame seemed to not notice. The shark man turned away and started walking. Deidara sighed in relief.

"I have a mission to do," Kisame said as he walked. "And cutting yourself up wont accomplish anything just so you know." he continued walking casually. Deidara sighed n anger and frustration.

Deidara strode to the entrance to the Akatsuki hideout and pushed his way outside. It was raining. Tiny tears falling from the grey faced clouds mixed with deidara's own tears. His hair slowly became slick and wet, and his mesh shirt tank top and cargo shorts followed soon after. He briefly wondered why he had not thought to bring his cloak, but decided to simply screw coherent thought since it got him nowhere. He walked along the path to the red gate by the hideout. The rain drummed on his shoulders and head.

_-_flashback_-_

_Deidara slowly strolled down the streets of Iwagakure. He liked the rain because it masked his tears. Rain was deciteful. Wanting to avoid going home for as long as possible, he wanderd the deserted streets alone. He knew that a drunken father awaited his arrival at his house to beat him for being home late. His footsteps echoed the empty streets, harmonizing with the irregular beat of the rain._

__-_end_-__

Deidara climbed a tree and jumped from the branches to the red gate in front of the hideout. He sat down and hung his legs over the side, facing away from the boulder entrance. To anyone who didn't know him, he would have looked like a depressed teenage girl, but to Sasori, he looked like a suffering brat who had somehow convinced the red headed puppet and puppeteer to unwillingly become his _friend_. Whatever that was.

Sasori stood in the entrance to the hideout watching Deidra's back. He leaned up against the stone contemplating. He wondered why Deidara had been cutting himself. It was extremely obvious to anyone who paid attention that the blonde bomber had been favoring his right arm lately.

Deidara looked up at the sky. Dark grey clouds loomed overhead threatening a heavy downpour. How ironic that the weather matched his mood today. The artist grinned sadistically as the rain increased.

_-_flashback_-_

_Deidara lay on his back in the grass, alone just like every day. He was at the park staring at clouds the color of grey doves. He ditched the academy today in favor of some peace and quiet, a break from the usual school bullies and dirty looks. No one seemed to accept his kekkai genkai. A small drop of water landed on his nose. He sat up and brushed his blond hair off to the side. He supposed he should go lock himself up in his room for the rest of the day and night so he didn't have to deal with his drunken father._

_-_end_-_

Deidara jumped down from the gate, turned around, spotted Sasori, and walked in the opposite direction, away from the base. He didn't know why, but for some reason the sight of Sasori made him feel, well he didn't know how to put it. _Shattered_ might be an appropriate word. He had a pain in his chest, right over his heart. At first he thought it had been from overtraining, but as time progressed and his other injuries healed, he puzzled over the slight ache in his chest. It wasn't bad enough to need medication, just enough to bother him.

The bomber stopped walking. He stood there under the trees and rain. Moving his left hand to his pouch of clay he started on a small bird. Carefully he shaped it and wove chakra into it. Normally he wouldn't bother, but this time he decided to add some intricate details. The eyes were clearly defined, every feather was visible, and the beak was smooth and perfect. In other words, if it were not colorless it could have passed for real.

Deidara admired his work for a minute, mentally memorizing every beautiful detail, before realizing it into the air. It flew a few feet away before turning to face its creator and flying in place. Said artist took a deep breath and formed a hand sign.

"Katsu" after relishing the moment of blissful, true art, he decided that if sasori had stopped dogging the hideout entrance he would go have some lunch.

Hidan walked into the kitchen to find Deidara munching in a ham and cheese sandwich.

"What u didn't make one for me?" he asked the blonde "I'm crushed!" he said dramatically, placing a hand over his heart

"I'm not in the mood to mess around, go make one yourself," Deidara shot back. Hidan grumbled something about 'damn blondes'.

Deidara finished up his sandwich just as Hidan sat down next to him to eat his. He looked at the silver haired Jashinist. "Hey," he said.

"Hmfff?" Hidan managed through a mouthful of ham cheese and bread.

"I'm sorry I snapped at you, I'm just a little stressed out." he apologized.

"Mff ugimm odee" still with his mouth full.

"Sorry?" Hidan swallowed.

"I said its fucking ok. I kind of figured you were out of it today." Deidara raised an eyebrow.

"Why would you know anything of what's been going on here for the past month when you've been on a mission and just got back this morning?" Hidan wolfed down another bite before answering.

"Sasori came to talk to me earlier, he sounded fucking serious, too. He said I needed to keep an eye on you because you've been acting weird." the Akatsuki's artist tensed. Did Hidan know? Had sasori told him about...

"Hey are you ok?" Hidans voice jolted the blonde out of his thoughts. "Ooh merh fffmmin spffingh ohht ffhhr ah mmffintte." did Hidan have any manners? ("You were spacing out for a minute.")

**I know it's a short chapter but its 5 am and I haven't updated in forever. I will try like crazy to get rid of my artists/writers block which seems to go away whenever insomnia decides to mess with me.**

**As I was typing this up my do started scratching at my door so I got up to let her in and she jumped up on my bed and took my warm spot! I was powerless to stop a 12 pound schnoodle from effectively kicking me off my bed. So now I'm sitting at my messy desk typing this. Damn dog…**

**Deidara likes explosions, Kisame likes fish, Konan likes paper flowers, Tobi likes oranges, Hidan likes blood, Kakuzu likes money, Sasori likes puppets, Zetzu likes plants and Pein likes Konan. Are we missing someone here? Yes we are, I LIKE REVIEWS!:)**

**Thank you to all who reviewed Ch 1!**

**Right, shutting up now!**


End file.
